


The pain in a smile

by 10k_au



Category: Z Nation (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, bad memories, tough to soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8497057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10k_au/pseuds/10k_au
Summary: 10k doesn't ever smile, he doesn't like reader's bouncy attitude, reader gets to know why he is the way he is.





	

You knew from the moment you met 10k that there was two sides to him. He looked you in the eye for a split second, and then he never looked at you in the same way again. He always had this brick wall up, impenetrable, it was built so carefully that you almost never caught a glimpse of what might be on the other side. But when you did it hit you right in the heart, you saw a warmth that you never wanted to forget. From then on you tried everything that you could to get it back. You had tried jokes, and asking him questions. Nothing worked, he was just as cold and hard as always.

“Warren wants us to go up stream” His voice brings you back from a daydream that you’d been having. You look up into his face, sharp, closed features making him look angry. “Collect some fresh water” he clarifies. You nod and get to your feet, dusting your hands off on your thighs. 10k doesn’t look at you, instead looking off into the distance, jaw tense.

“Got some bottles?” You ask, not really expecting an answer. He shakes a couple to signify yes, but he still doesn’t look at you. You mutter a ‘right’ and then go ahead of him, up the verge and along the river, watching the water bubble and flow.

When you find a nice spot, you drop to your knees and turn to 10k, squinting at him through the sun.

“Give me a bottle before I throw you in, big boy”

He doesn’t reply, he just throws a bottle at you and then turns away. With a sigh you pick the plastic container up off of the floor and go about filling it up in the stream. You look at the pile of bottles in his bag and look to see if he appears to have any intention of helping. He’s facing away from you, and you almost lose your temper. Before you do, you take a deep breath and plaster your smile back on.

“Come on, I’ll race you” you grin, “We’ll see who can fill the most bottles.” He turns and regards you with a passive glance. You think for a moment that you may have won him over, but then he shakes his head.

“Do you think I’m a child?” he mutters.

“No!” you exclaim, standing up and screwing the lid onto the slippery bottle. “I just thought it might be fun?”

“No thank you.” He states, tone sharp and cutting. He drops to his haunches and grabs a bottle of his own, swinging it through the clear water and watching carefully as it began to fill up. You but the one that you had just filled down next to the bag and then you take another, this time moving over so that you’re next to him. You sit down next to him and look up into his face.

“Can I ask you a question?” you mumble, filling the second bottle up. He chews at his lip, then he shrugs and turns himself away from you a little more. You groan, flicking your hair out of your face.

“10k, please. Stop this.” For the first time you let the happy façade that you were trying to encourage him with drop. The tone of your voice makes his head snap round, and he looks at you with shock that you’ve never seen on his face before. Then he nods.

“ask away”

“Why do you put up this barrier?” you question, searching his eyes for an answer. “Why do you act like nothing affects you in any way?” He hums a little under his breath, but unlike what he normally does, his eyes remain fixed on yours. You both stay there, pausing your watery endeavour, not really moving at all.

You’re about to press him further when he speaks up without needing any encouragement at all. He lower lip trembles for a moment before the words spill out.

“It’s not a barrier, it’s more of a shield.”

“A shield for you?” you probe, trying to work out where he’s going with this.

“No” he mutters. “A shield for everyone else.” A look falls into his eyes, something close to sadness. For a moment you think that he’s going to cry. You want to pull him into you, hold him against your chest and tell him that it’s okay. But instead you ask him what the shield is protecting people from. He shrugs and then stares out across the water, dropping the bottle into the water and not even reacting when it floated away.

“Everyone I love dies.” He whispers, voice breaking in the middle. “My dad, my friends.” He sniffs and then shakes his head. “I can’t lose anyone else in the group.” Without asking, you wrap an arm around him and pull him into your side, squeezing him tight.

“oh hon” your voice is muffled into his arm. “They didn’t die because of you, and you know that.”

“No I don’t” suddenly he breaks down into tears. You pull him closer still and let him sob into you, his arms go around you as well and you relax, happy that he’s finally told someone how he feels. You pat him on the back, and then rub gently at his spine, letting him cry it out.

“You just had to tell someone” you state. “Now you can work through it, and we’re all here to help you. We’re not going anywhere I promise.”

When he pulls away, he wipes his face with the back of his hand and then smiles timidly at you. Your heart skips, and you can’t believe that he’s never smiled in front of you before, he’s so beautiful when he’s happy. You lift a hand and stroke his cheek, smiling back, reassuring him that everything is okay.

“Now.” You say, returning to your bubbly self. “Let’s do what we came to do and then get back to the others.”


End file.
